Category: Story

  • Surrender Your Moments.

    Surrender Your Moments.

    As I prepare for Christmas , I am reminiscing on Christmas’ past. My parents were the king and queen of making special memories that I will cherish forever!

    If I had to choose my absolute favorite part of our family Christmas, it would hands-down be our yearly Nativity play.

    We had a beautiful baby Jesus that came from a church’s nativity scene after it had closed. It used to sit in our curio cabinet, and was so pretty with the lights shining on it. It became awfully tempting to open the glass doors just to touch it. In fact, there were times I would see one of the kids gently holding the precious treasure that was supposed to be left alone.

    When my kids, nieces, and nephews were little, dad built a small manger to hold the baby Jesus. While mom read the Christmas story, the little ones would each have a role and act out the story.

    The first year, my oldest nephew Alex had the big job of carrying in baby Jesus. He made sure at the appropriate time he would lay baby Jesus in the manger filled with hay. As years went on, the role of carrying in Jesus went to the next in line according to age. Each year, the plays also became a little more detailed.

    Costumes were made and the acting sometimes became more dramatic. Little kings kneeling prostrate on the floor (with no prompting from the adults, mind you… maybe a few chuckles but no prompting). It became a very big deal for the sweet children, and the adults! Often during the year there would be mention of who was in charge of the baby Jesus that Christmas.

    Christmas can also become a time when I have moments when life just isn’t showing up how I would like. As I reflect on the blessing of these memories, I also feel bouts of sadness.

    The kids have grown and now have families of their own. It’s rare that we are all able to gather together. I have lost my dad and youngest sister Sara to Heaven.

    I long to make those kind of memories for my kids and grandkids. The difference for me, is that they are spread out in Iowa, Texas, and Florida. In my longing, I find sadness creeping in and I am not living in the moment. The moments filled with blessings.

    I’m sure we all have had moments when life just doesn’t show up how we would like or envision. I think it also safe to assume at times, it feels like more than just moments! 

    Whatever I am struggling with, how I choose to look at the moments ultimately determines how I live my life.  How I enjoy the moments.

    Our life is precious. A gift from God. Living in gratitude and surrendering our struggles to God are the foundation of creating moments of joy. 

    I know it is easy to focus on what is going wrong. Especially when those things going wrong are the biggest part of our moments.  

    I have found the most powerful way to fight the negative perspective is to first show up. Show up with a goal to not focus on what is going wrong but focus on what is going right.  

    Show up and shift your perspective.
     
    How I perceive my life and life moments becomes my reality. How I see things becomes my truth.  

    What is your reality? What is your truth?
     
    Whatever you are struggling with, let me remind you, if you are still here on earth, you have a purpose to fulfill. You have memories to create and blessings to share.

    This Christmas, I am remembering to see the blessings of the memories I have. The blessing of having those I have lost in my life for the time I did, and the blessing of being reunited with them in eternity. I am also going to create new memories with those I am blessed to share Christmas with in the moment. Memories that not only I will treasure, but they will treasure too.

    People will respond to me based on the attitude and perspective I bring to this life. The attitude and perspective that I bring to each new day will create the experience of our moments and ultimately the moments of those I come in contact with. 

    I am learning to appreciate the chaos as well as the simplicity of my moments. That being thankful in everything is more important than being thankful for something. 

    The first step is to show up and ask the One who gives me everything to help me see everything the way He sees everything. 

    I pray that God will help me make that choice. I ask Him to open my eyes to see the blessing in the midst of the rubble. I ask Him to change my heart. To change my vision. To create the desire in me to be joyful when I am feeling lonely or longing for what was. 
     
    I surrender my moments to the one who has the ultimate plan for my life.  He is the biggest Christmas blessing of all!

    Friends, join me in looking for the blessing in the hay!

    With love and joy,

    Laura

  • Torn Between Two Worlds – Part 5

    Torn Between Two Worlds – Part 5

    Walking with God in the in between.

    Can joy be found in the hurt and sorrow of life?

    I personally know it is possible to choose joy even when life hurts. It is a choice, and a choice that is possible when I fully surrender my life to God. Surrender and trust, without conditions.

    I found joy in Him. I chose Him.

    You see, behind each door we choose to open, there is a place, a journey, just like the long hall in Alice in Wonderland. When we choose a door to walk through, we are responsible for the outcome that is behind that door. God blessed us with the gift of free will, we make the choice.

    We can choose the journey with or without God. There are going to be times of joy and peace as well as pain and difficulty behind any door we choose, and we can walk it with His guidance or the world’s guidance.

    Each of these times in my life, I found myself in a place of in between. A place of no longer and not yet. There is so much unknown in the place of in between, and the unknown can be our biggest enemy sometimes. The thing we put most of our focus on and our energy into trying to control. The “what ifs” take over our thinking and anxiety is out of control.

    I have learned the importance of fully living in the middle of the hard, the here and known. Because if this is my life, if this is where I am at, then this is where God is at too.

    I choose to take one step at a time with Him in the in between. I choose to be brave with Him. I choose to connect with Him. I choose to walk with Him. I choose Him. It is only with Him that I find the peace in my heart needed to accept and trust the journey He has laid out before me.

    I have awakened and my worlds are no longer torn. That doesn’t mean there aren’t difficulties, heartache, and at times I start to fall down that hole. The difference is, I have learned to quickly stop and change my perspective. Seek Him and choose to not be a victim of the circumstance.

    I have learned that when I choose to do this life with God, I no longer fall to the bottom of the hole where I feel torn!

    For you have rescued me from death; you have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in your presence, O God, in your life-giving light.

    Psalm 56:13 (NIV)

  • Torn Between Two Worlds, Part 4

    Torn Between Two Worlds, Part 4

    Saying yes to God’s call. Finding hope and healing through breast cancer.

    As Sara was in her last days on earth, one of the last things she said to me was, “I want people to continue believing, trusting and having faith in God, as I have tried to be His disciple. But, she said, it’s not about me, it’s about Him. That is the message I want people to hear.

    “Our message is not about ourselves. It is about Jesus Christ as the Lord. We are your servants for his sake.”

    2 Corinthians 4:5

    It was in that moment that I began to do more than just read Sara’s God inspired words and message. I began seeing and feeling God’s message through her. I saw the direct connections and wisdom that only comes from Him. I began to understand how she chose joy despite the emotional and physical pain she experienced.

    I began a journey of experiencing this intimate relationship with Jesus that I longed for. The whispers of the Holy Spirit that I heard, trusted, and discerned to be from Him, not just my own wants and desires.

    I heard a call from God on my own life. He put on my heart that just because Sara was no longer on earth physically, the God inspired message she began, didn’t have to end. He was asking me to pick up the message and follow Him.

    I began walking a journey through the publishing industry that was only possible because of Him. I stepped out in faith and He put in front of me what I needed, when I needed it.

    God was the key I needed to open the door to light and beauty!

    In 2016 my family and I celebrated the release of Sara’s spirit led teaching in the book, Choose Joy: Finding Hope and Purpose When Life Hurts.

    I began speaking and continuing to share the message that God called me to share. A message that the choices we make, make us. A message of how to choose joy when life hurts.

    I am choosing to follow Him and say yes to His call for my life.

    I had just began speaking and developing the choose joy ministry when I received a call that caught me off guard. The call was from my doctor with the message that I have breast cancer. In shock, disbelief, and with lots of questions, I had decisions to make. Decisions on treatment, surgery, and further testing.

    Once again reeling in fear of the unknown, now my own mortality. Worried about my children, husband, and family. Trying to be strong for them. I didn’t want to cause them worry and fear. I was once again trying to control an outcome I had no control over.

    God, what is the purpose of this set back? I am spreading His message, so why? Why? Why? Why?

    This time, instead of falling down the dark hole and letting the door close and lock, instead of asking why, which left me in a state of being victim, I decided to change my perspective. Instead of why, I asked what and how. What do you need Lord? How can I serve?

    It didn’t mean I wasn’t still overwhelmed and the emotion of fear didn’t creep in. What it did mean, was that I wasn’t in a locked dark hole that I longed to escape. In the midst of the hard, I still felt the peace, love, and joy of the Lord.

    In those times of being overwhelmed, I would say Psalm 46:10 over and over again:

    “Be still and know that I am God.“

    Be still and know that I AM. Be still and know. Be still. Be.

    God needed me to be still. He was working through me now, not Sara. I was hiding behind Sara’s story. It was time that I had an impact on the world with my own story. The sooner I trusted Him, the sooner the fall into the rabbit hole would stop and I began climbing out.

    Like the veil that was torn as a result of Jesus’ death on the cross, I no longer needed to be torn between two worlds. Between her and God. I am a spiritual being sent here to live out a human existence. As a spiritual being, the only one I need to trust and have faith in, is God.

  • Torn Between Two Worlds, Part 3

    Torn Between Two Worlds, Part 3

    Navigating Grief: Lessons in Love and Faith

    My time as a single mom led me to the love and support of a new husband and stepfather for my children. A man who puts God first, prays with us daily, and opens our hearts and minds to understand, trust, and believe in God deeper than we knew possible.

    The Lord is my light and my salvation, so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?

    Psalm 27:1 (NIV)

    On July 9, 2010, my world was torn again, this time between Heaven and Earth. It was the first time these two worlds felt so far apart. I was stuck in a dark place between the two worlds.

    I received a phone call from my uncle who was in Minnesota with my parents and their siblings. A gathering they planned annually where they enjoyed each other, while boating, skiing, and just spending time together.

    When I answered the phone, the voice on the other end said, “Laura, I never thought I would have to make this call. Your dad is lying on the bank of the lake with EMTs working on him. He was gone. Stung by a bee, went into anaphylactic shock and died.

    I didn’t understand what I was hearing. How was I going to live without my first boyfriend? The man who was my best friend through all the difficulties I have faced in life. The man who was my father here on Earth. I was falling deeper into a place I had never been. A place I did not want to be.

    I would wake at night screaming and gasping feeling as though I was falling off a cliff that had no end. I didn’t know how to do this life without my dad. I didn’t have enough time with him. How could he be done here? Why would God need him more than I did? Is there a key to opening this door? Death is so final.

    I again had to intentionally seek God’s wisdom and guidance as I desperately tried to climb out of this dark hole. The door to light and beauty had been closed and locked. I needed God to help me find the key that unlocked that door.

    What I found was Matthew 24:36, which says, “No one knows that day or hour, not the angels in Heaven or the Son, but only the Father.”

    Dad’s death was never random to God. He knew the day Dad was born and the day he would die, and the same is true for you and me. What we have in between is an opportunity to be intentional, in living the life God has planned for us.

    Throughout that year, the stress of Dad’s death took a toll on all of us, but in particular, my youngest sister, Sara. Sara was home bound from a disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) as well as an autoimmune disease, Leukopenia. She began having symptoms of the disease when she was 20 years old.

    The disease had progressed through the years to the point for the last three years of her life, she was confined to the four walls of her home. Sara became allergic to the air outside. She was literally the girl in the bubble. This meant that she was not able to be physically present at Dad’s funeral. She had to watch from a computer screen as my mom, sister, three brothers, and myself, laid my dad to rest.

    A year later, in September of 2011, Sara called and asked if I would come be with her. Don’t worry she said, but I need you to come. We learned that her body was beginning to shut down and she was in the dying process.

    How many dark holes could there possibly be to fall into? Why can’t I get my two worlds to come together? Why did the door to beauty, joy, peace, and love continually close and lock? I didn’t want to be in this dark and scary place. It felt so permanent.

    Much of Sara’s life did not turn out the way she anticipated and yet, at the age of 38 years old, Sara impacted thousands of people across the globe. Sara showed and taught us how it is possible to choose joy, even when life hurts. Sara was an example of being a disciple of Christ and it was her time to go home. To be pain free. To be with her Heavenly Father.

    I stayed with her day and night trying to comfort her and respond to a global community of people that had grown to love her, wanting to say goodbye, and yet selfishly wanting her to myself. A beautiful experience that showed me the importance of being intentional in how we live our lives. The reality of our REAL purpose here on Earth.

    After Sara’s death, I began experiencing something different. I had finally found the key to unlock the door to light, beauty, and peace, with the difference this time being that there is also a choice to not have the door close and lock at different seasons of life. 

    When I fully surrender my life to God, I am no longer torn between two worlds. It doesn’t mean I won’t face disappointment and pain, but I don’t have to lose the joy, peace, and love, that comes from Him.

    I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.

    John 15:5 (NIV)

    But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness,goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.Against such things there is no law.

    Galatians 5:22-23

  • Torn Between Two Worlds, Part 2

    Torn Between Two Worlds, Part 2

    Finding Strength in Faith Through Divorce and Loss.

    I was working at my first job out of college, met a gentleman, fell in love, got married, and were blessed with two children. Sounds like a happily ever after story, doesn’t it?

    Unfortunately, I had four pregnancies and lost two children through miscarriage.

    Miscarriage, though often shrouded in silence and stigma, affects countless women and families. It leaves deep scars that seem impossible to heal. As a Christian woman, I was not immune to this pain. But, I do have the blessed assurance of a loving God who weeps with me and offers comfort in my darkest moments.

    Miscarriage is a painful and unexpected loss that left me feeling isolated and uncertain. The excitement and anticipation of welcoming a new life was suddenly replaced with grief, guilt, and unanswered questions.

    The first miscarriage was within the first trimester of the pregnancy. The second, was within the second trimester which made the process more difficult as I had to undergo a D&C procedure.

    Although I knew the baby was not alive, going through this procedure left me feeling like I had an abortion. The emotional turmoil was more than I could bear. I had fallen into a dark hole of guilt and sorrow. I wasn’t sure how to process the loss of a child that I never got to see or hold.

    One day, my mom and I stood together on the deck outside my home. We were engaged in a heartfelt conversation about my emotional turmoil. Her profound words struck a chord deep within me: ‘Everything God blesses us with in this life isn’t truly ours. They are God’s. Every gift, no matter how precious, is temporary. Our eternal home, our true haven, is with Him.

    ‘Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
    James 1:17 (NIV)

    Isn’t that true? As Christians everything we have comes from God and is ultimately His. We are blessed with the opportunity to use and love all that God gives us for the time He allows.

    The loss of the two children were between the two children God allowed me to raise. When they were three and six my husband at that time, told me he needed some time away. He needed time to himself for a while. What did this mean?

    My world quickly began to feel like I was falling back into that dark unknown world again. What did he mean time away? Was I the issue? So many questions with no answers as to why.

    The “time away” went from weeks to months. Eventually it led to him telling me he wasn’t coming home. That I should do what I needed to do.

    Those words shook me to the core. This went against everything I believed in. I made a vow before God that I could no longer hold on to. Someone else was making that choice for me. That door that led to peace, love, and joy, was slammed shut and locked. As hard as I tried, I could not find the key to open the door.

    I fell back into the world of feeling insignificant and unloved. I couldn’t do anything to make him stay. What was I going to tell my children? Divorce was unacceptable. I worried about my family being disappointed in me and surely God was going to be disappointed and angry.

    Every time I closed my eyes, I would see colorful lights swirling continuously. I was thrown into a place I didn’t want to be. A place I was trying to fight with all my might.

    Just as Alice in Wonderland, my tears betrayed me and began spilling over. I was once again treading water. I was tired and yet had to be strong for my children. I didn’t want them to experience a torn world.

    I had to dig deep in my faith to understand what God wanted for me on this journey. I knew he didn’t condone divorce and I knew I couldn’t control the decision of my husband.

    God is so faithful! My husband chose not to make our marriage work, but God put in front of me friends and family who loved and guided my children and I through the journey. Friends who helped me see a God who loves me unconditionally. A God who will always carry me when I am tired and scared. They spoke life into me, making me stronger and more confident in myself and the Godly choices I had available to me.

    Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way 
    will fulfill the law of Christ.
    Galatians 6:2 (NIV)

    This journey took my faith and relationship with God to a deeper level. Trying to understand Godly choices in a worldly circumstance took intentional time with Him. It also forced me to be intentional in seeking out Christian counsel. Individuals who would assist me in moving forward. Encouraging me not to get stuck in a place of being a victim of circumstance. 

    I wanted to find the key that opened the door to that beautiful world of love, peace, and joy. In time, I did find joy, and love, being content in my new circumstances.

    I grew not only in my faith in God but also in myself. I found more confidence and strength in myself than I ever thought I had within me.

    God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though
    its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake
    with their surging.

    Psalm 46:1-3 (NIV)

    Amid the hurt and fear, God was always there loving and carrying me.