Tag: reviews

  • Torn Between Two Worlds – Part 5

    Torn Between Two Worlds – Part 5

    Walking with God in the in between.

    Can joy be found in the hurt and sorrow of life?

    I personally know it is possible to choose joy even when life hurts. It is a choice, and a choice that is possible when I fully surrender my life to God. Surrender and trust, without conditions.

    I found joy in Him. I chose Him.

    You see, behind each door we choose to open, there is a place, a journey, just like the long hall in Alice in Wonderland. When we choose a door to walk through, we are responsible for the outcome that is behind that door. God blessed us with the gift of free will, we make the choice.

    We can choose the journey with or without God. There are going to be times of joy and peace as well as pain and difficulty behind any door we choose, and we can walk it with His guidance or the world’s guidance.

    Each of these times in my life, I found myself in a place of in between. A place of no longer and not yet. There is so much unknown in the place of in between, and the unknown can be our biggest enemy sometimes. The thing we put most of our focus on and our energy into trying to control. The “what ifs” take over our thinking and anxiety is out of control.

    I have learned the importance of fully living in the middle of the hard, the here and known. Because if this is my life, if this is where I am at, then this is where God is at too.

    I choose to take one step at a time with Him in the in between. I choose to be brave with Him. I choose to connect with Him. I choose to walk with Him. I choose Him. It is only with Him that I find the peace in my heart needed to accept and trust the journey He has laid out before me.

    I have awakened and my worlds are no longer torn. That doesn’t mean there aren’t difficulties, heartache, and at times I start to fall down that hole. The difference is, I have learned to quickly stop and change my perspective. Seek Him and choose to not be a victim of the circumstance.

    I have learned that when I choose to do this life with God, I no longer fall to the bottom of the hole where I feel torn!

    For you have rescued me from death; you have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in your presence, O God, in your life-giving light.

    Psalm 56:13 (NIV)

  • Torn Between Two Worlds, Part 4

    Torn Between Two Worlds, Part 4

    Saying yes to God’s call. Finding hope and healing through breast cancer.

    As Sara was in her last days on earth, one of the last things she said to me was, “I want people to continue believing, trusting and having faith in God, as I have tried to be His disciple. But, she said, it’s not about me, it’s about Him. That is the message I want people to hear.

    “Our message is not about ourselves. It is about Jesus Christ as the Lord. We are your servants for his sake.”

    2 Corinthians 4:5

    It was in that moment that I began to do more than just read Sara’s God inspired words and message. I began seeing and feeling God’s message through her. I saw the direct connections and wisdom that only comes from Him. I began to understand how she chose joy despite the emotional and physical pain she experienced.

    I began a journey of experiencing this intimate relationship with Jesus that I longed for. The whispers of the Holy Spirit that I heard, trusted, and discerned to be from Him, not just my own wants and desires.

    I heard a call from God on my own life. He put on my heart that just because Sara was no longer on earth physically, the God inspired message she began, didn’t have to end. He was asking me to pick up the message and follow Him.

    I began walking a journey through the publishing industry that was only possible because of Him. I stepped out in faith and He put in front of me what I needed, when I needed it.

    God was the key I needed to open the door to light and beauty!

    In 2016 my family and I celebrated the release of Sara’s spirit led teaching in the book, Choose Joy: Finding Hope and Purpose When Life Hurts.

    I began speaking and continuing to share the message that God called me to share. A message that the choices we make, make us. A message of how to choose joy when life hurts.

    I am choosing to follow Him and say yes to His call for my life.

    I had just began speaking and developing the choose joy ministry when I received a call that caught me off guard. The call was from my doctor with the message that I have breast cancer. In shock, disbelief, and with lots of questions, I had decisions to make. Decisions on treatment, surgery, and further testing.

    Once again reeling in fear of the unknown, now my own mortality. Worried about my children, husband, and family. Trying to be strong for them. I didn’t want to cause them worry and fear. I was once again trying to control an outcome I had no control over.

    God, what is the purpose of this set back? I am spreading His message, so why? Why? Why? Why?

    This time, instead of falling down the dark hole and letting the door close and lock, instead of asking why, which left me in a state of being victim, I decided to change my perspective. Instead of why, I asked what and how. What do you need Lord? How can I serve?

    It didn’t mean I wasn’t still overwhelmed and the emotion of fear didn’t creep in. What it did mean, was that I wasn’t in a locked dark hole that I longed to escape. In the midst of the hard, I still felt the peace, love, and joy of the Lord.

    In those times of being overwhelmed, I would say Psalm 46:10 over and over again:

    “Be still and know that I am God.“

    Be still and know that I AM. Be still and know. Be still. Be.

    God needed me to be still. He was working through me now, not Sara. I was hiding behind Sara’s story. It was time that I had an impact on the world with my own story. The sooner I trusted Him, the sooner the fall into the rabbit hole would stop and I began climbing out.

    Like the veil that was torn as a result of Jesus’ death on the cross, I no longer needed to be torn between two worlds. Between her and God. I am a spiritual being sent here to live out a human existence. As a spiritual being, the only one I need to trust and have faith in, is God.

  • Torn Between Two Worlds

    Torn Between Two Worlds

    Part 1 – School Years

    Torn between two worlds, that is how I felt a good part of my life.

    I would liken it to the story of Alice in Wonderland. I’ll give you a quick overview for those of you who aren’t familiar with the story.

    The story is of a young girl who follows a scurrying rabbit down a rabbit hole. I don’t know about you, but I find myself scurrying a lot and it usually takes me down a rabbit trail, which most of the time is not good.

    When Alice falls into the hole she finds herself falling into a dark unknown place wondering if she will ever hit solid ground. Once on solid ground, she looks up only to see a long hallway lined with doors.

    Behind one door is a beautiful world. A world that she wants to enter, but the only way to enter is to find the key that will unlock the door.

    When Alice can’t find the correct key, she begins to cry. Her pool of tears become a sea of water and she begins treading water to stay afloat.

    Alice meets various individuals along her journey. Some individuals give her advice, some tell her what to do, and some even try to deceive her. There are times throughout Alice’s journey when she is small and feels insignificant. There are other times when Alice is very tall and she feels bigger than the world she is living in.

    Does this story resonate with you? Have you ever felt torn between two worlds, similar to Alice in Wonderland?

    I first felt torn between two worlds as a young child, through grade school, middle school, and into high school. I was one of those kids outcasted and just didn’t fit in. I was too tall in grade school and towered over everyone my age. Believe me, boys did not like it when a girl was taller than they were! In middle and high school, I chose not to follow the crowd to stay true to my Christian beliefs. It was during those times, that I was tossed aside and like Alice in Wonderland, I felt small and insignificant. 

    I was tired of treading the water created from years of crying so many tears. Tired of having people with various opinions telling me what to do and who I should be.

    My family was my safe place. They loved me unconditionally and taught me to find strength in Christ, not people. Although they were my safe place, there were times when I felt like I was disappointing them as well. My parents wanted me to have friends and be social. The pressure grew as I faced the choice of friendship and a social life; or standing for what I believed in.

    Having both did not seem to exist in my world. It wasn’t an option. I faced choices to open many different doors, just like Alice, but I couldn’t find the key to the door that led to beauty, peace, love, and joy on the other side.

    I was nervous about going off to college. I was afraid I would experience more of the same and if I did, I would really be alone. My family would not be there with me. I questioned whether I should choose to unlock the door to college, but I did and am so grateful.

    My college years were nothing like my high school. I met people who liked me for who I was. Who God created me to be. My world opened up to a community of people that didn’t toss me aside. They lifted me up, didn’t judge me, and accepted me. I became more confident and no longer felt so small and insignificant.

    Although I was blessed with a family who grounded me in my faith, in college I had the opportunity to discover my own relationship with God at a deeper level. Instead of being embarrassed about my faith, I openly shared and lived out my faith. I felt like, for the first time, I found the key that unlocked the door. The door that would lead me to that beautiful world where I belonged and was loved.

    Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will.Romans 12:2 (NIV)